Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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