Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
