She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
