I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
