no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
