Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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