My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
