Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
