no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
