I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
