youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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