My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
