I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
