Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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