her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
