apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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