so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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