I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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