I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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