Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
