I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
