I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your penis caused this!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
