i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
