I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
