it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
