If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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