It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
