HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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