omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Someone came in the potted fern
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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