I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
