I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
