I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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