this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
