after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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