You smell like stripper and shame
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
