I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
