i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I look better un-naked...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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