i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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