a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
