i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
