Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
