The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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