why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
