4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
