Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
