you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
