wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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