you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
