fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
