around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
