as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
