my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
