the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
