I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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